


Mending a Shattered Soul

by aussiemel



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Angst, Episode Related, First Time, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-09-24
Updated: 2010-09-24
Packaged: 2017-10-12 04:01:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,205
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/120522
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aussiemel/pseuds/aussiemel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Fallen Daniel Helps Jack come to terms with his death.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mending a Shattered Soul

Daniel's back.

I still can't believe it.

When I saw him calmly walking into the village, with that cute bewildered expression on his face for all to see, I thought my heart would stop. Or that it was some kind of funky hallucination, some kind of dream.

I approached him cautiously; he looked like a scared rabbit preparing to bolt, like I was the enemy.

As I looked at him I could hardly believe this man is my Danny. He looked like the polar opposite to what I remember from this sweet, caring man a man who would do anything for a total stranger and even more for his friends. He was forever looking for peaceful solutions to problems that I couldn't, or wouldn't see. He's even gone as far as stepping in front of my gun when I tried taking military action, just to get me to see his point.

This Daniel looked to be a total opposite to what I remember. He looked confused like he had no idea who we were and damn it he was also the most beautiful thing I'd seen in well over a year, dressed in a navy blue robe, which brought out the blue of his eyes.

The Village was small and made completely with tents. You could tell from the tents that the inhabitants of the small town were not intending to stay long. They were a nomadic tribe.

See Danny I did learn something from all those lectures you gave me.

I listened.

Even when you thought I'd tuned out and I was no longer listening. I always listened.

I loved to listen to you prattle on about long dead civilizations, I may not have understood half of what was being said, but I'd listen just because it was you who was talking.

I don't think you ever realized I could probably tell you everything that had been said during one of your lectures.

To start with I thought he was still ascended, just appearing like he did with Ba'al. It wasn't until Carter tried to hug him that I realized he was real, but he had absolutely no idea who he was, who we were. It was like we were strangers, and I guess to him we were.

When I realized he had no memories of SG-1 or the SGC or any of that it felt like he'd reached into my chest and crushed my heart, shattering it into a million pieces.

Selfish as it was I couldn't help what I felt. I should be trying to get back Daniel's memory, help him. Not worry about how it's going to affect me and my life.

It felt like he'd chosen to forget, but that was ridiculous. I knew that my Daniel would never willingly forget us. But I couldn't help but feel the stab in my heart every time he looked at me, eyes clouded with confusion. There was absolutely no recognition there, and that hurt me more than it should.

I'm just a selfish bastard.

I should have felt like celebrating Daniel's return, but instead I felt as if I'd just been smacked in the face.

*****

I've loved him for as long as I can remember.

I finally worked up the courage to tell him how I felt.

It was just after the mission on Apophis' ship, where I'd thought Danny to be dead, left behind on that mother ship with a staff blast to the chest. It tore me apart to leave him there to die alone, but we had a mission to complete and I thought the rest of us were dead anyway. What difference would it make if we died on different ships? But after we set the charges and disabled the shields on the other ship the impossible happened and we escaped on the death gliders.

When we were picked up by the space shuttle and returned to earth and to the SGC I was barely functioning. I thought Danny was dead and all I wanted to do was join him. I couldn't though; I had a duty to my country, my planet.

The thing that hurt the most though was General Hammond seemed so happy, I could have killed him, the next thing I know he tells us; "Welcome home SG-1, there's someone I'd like you to meet"

As soon as the words left his mouth I thought my heart had stopped.

It couldn't be him.

He died on that ship.

Then the impossible happened and he stepped out from behind the marines his eyes were totally focused on me like I was the only thing in the room, and in that minute I knew I had to tell him how I felt.

The next instant I yelled out Space Monkey and was hugging the shit out of him. I never wanted to let go. Pulling back slightly, I put my hands on his face feeling the soft skin there and looking into his eyes, his soul bare for me to read.

I only hoped what I was seeing was real and that he loved me as much as I loved him.

Reluctantly I released him telling him to meet me at my place for beer and pizza. He just laughed at me and said "Sure Jack" before heading for the De-Briefing.

We often went to my place for beer and pizza or to watch the game and talk about things that don't really matter. Danny didn't even like hockey, or pizza for that matter he only ever did it to humor me and I can't help but wonder if we'll ever get that back.

Once he arrived at my house that night I remember being nervous as hell, thinking I'd do something to scare him off or if I'd miss-read the signals and he was never interested in me in that way.

"Hey Danny, Come in" I told him pulling the door wider so he could enter "Beer?"

"Ah, yes please" Daniel said removing his jacket and talking a seat on the couch.

Grabbing two beers from the fridge I walked over to him taking a seat on the other end of the couch.

"Here" I said passing him the opened bottle of beer and making myself as comfortable as possible for what was sure to be an uncomfortable talk.

"Thanks" he said looking down at his lap, fiddling with the beer bottle he held there.

"Danny..." I started, pausing while I gathered my thoughts. "I like you a lot, when I had to leave you behind on that ship..."

"Jack..." Daniel interrupted me.

"No let me finish. I need to say this," I told him looking up into his beautiful blue eyes.

"Okay" He said, taking a mouthful of the beer he held. I could barely take my eyes off him as I watched him swallow the mouthful of beer.

"I can't lose you Danny, when I thought you'd died out there I thought I would too. I love you Danny." I told him, bearing my soul.

"I love you too Jack, you know that" He said, confused.

"No... I mean Yes" Pausing to take a deep breath I tried to think of what I could say to make him understand just how much I loved him. Unable to think of anything I decided to show him.

Placing my beer on the table beside me, I reached over and did the same with his. He didn't say anything though by the look on his face I could see he was confused. Moving closer I leaned forward pressing my lips softly to his, kissing him chastely.

"Jack?" Daniel breathed out softly, questioning me as he did so.

"Shh" I said placing my finger across his lips effectively silencing him.

Looking into his sparkling eyes I could see he was no longer confused, I saw understanding in his beautiful eyes.

Reaching over and grabbing my hand he pulled it to his mouth, placing a small kiss on the palm. "I love you too Jack" He said leaning forward, kissing me softly, this time longer than the last.

Sighing softly at the contact, I reached forward placing my palm against his cheek, gently caressing the skin there. Snaking my other arm around his back I pulled him against me so there was hardly a trace of air between us. Lying back on the lounge I pulled him until he was laying atop of me his arousal pressing into my hip.

Reaching up and placing my hand on the back of his head I pulled him back down to me, giving him another kiss. Licking and sucking gently at his mouth until I gained entrance to the hot, moist cavern. Pushing my tongue in, gently caressing his mouth.

With each minute that passed, our kisses grew in depth and passion, and with each swipe of Daniels tongue against my jaw my arousal grew, pushing up insistently against my pants.

Thrusting down slightly Daniel moaned into my mouth desperately seeking friction.

Gasping at the contact I reached my hand down, quickly unclasping Daniel's pants, allowing his dick to spring free from its confines.

Moaning loudly Daniel returned the favor, pulling me free of my pants. Rolling to the side slightly Daniel jerked down my pants and boxers until they were around my knees, leaving me totally exposed. "Beautiful," he gasped out, pulling himself free of his jeans and underwear. Within a few minutes we were both fully exposed.

"Danny...So Beautiful" I gasped out tugging up his shirt, removing it quickly so I could reach the skin beneath. Returning the favor Daniel started licking and sucking his way down my chest, causing me to moan loudly.

Reaching down I pulled Daniel up, kissing him deeply before I flipped us both over so I was on top.

Licking a trail from his neck to his stomach caused him to gasp out at the pleasure I was giving him.

Kissing him deeply I settled down on top of him and started rocking against him gently, making us both moan loudly at the much sought after friction.

As our passion grew we were both rocking against each other harshly, as we built towards our orgasms.

We were both right on the edge. Leaning down I gently bit Daniel's shoulder causing him to shoot his load. The feeling of Daniel coming was enough to push me over the edge so with a shout I came, calling Daniel's name.

As we came down from our high I looked deeply into my soul mates eyes, knowing in my heart we were forever.

"Forever Danny" I whispered softly, kissing him chastely as I did so, before I settled down on the lounge beside him. Within minutes we'd both fallen asleep

*****

When I first approached him in that alien village, I admit I was scared, terrified would probably be more accurate. My heart was beating so fast and hard I thought that everyone would be able to hear it. He was beautiful in those moments, and all I could think of was that I may never get my lover back.

He was the most beautiful thing I'd seen in well over a year. I felt like all my Christmas's had come at once.

It took Carter (God bless her) to convince Daniel to come back with us to the SGC. When she convinced him to come back I felt a little... jealous I suppose. I was used to Daniel responding to me and I guess I wish it had been me. No matter how selfish that sounds.

I walked over to where Daniel had emerged from the tent.

"Okay, kids time to get going" I said resting my arm slightly on my P-90, motioning Cater to take point with my other hand.

I walked beside Daniel with Jonas and Teal'c taking the rear. I couldn't help but stare at him, he'd only been descended for a short time but already I could see the differences in my friend and lover.

He'd lost some weight and was cautious about everything; he'd lost his usual zest for discovering things.

He didn't even appear to want to find out what he was like before he'd ascended. I guess all that will come back eventually as his memories do, but I felt sad about the lover I still felt as if I'd lost.

This man wasn't my Daniel; he was a shell of the man Danny had been, he didn't know me or the rest of us. He was just ambling along hoping to remember something that would trigger a memory of a life long forgotten.

It took us about an hour to reach the Stargate and dial earth.

As soon as we stepped from the Stargate, emerging on the other side, my face lit up in a huge smile as if to say I had achieved the impossible. I brought home our way-ward archaeologist.

Everyone was ecstatic at his return.

After post-mission exams were over I made my way toward the briefing room, hoping to get the inevitable out of the way as quickly as possible.

Taking a seat opposite Daniel I picked up my pen and began doodling on the notepad in front of me.

I didn't want to be here. I just wanted to go home to a nice long shower and bed; hopefully all without seeing Daniel. I couldn't face him at the moment; I'd managed to get my lover back only to have him not remember me or what we had shared together.

I don't think I can handle talking to him right now.

"Colonel O'Neill, did you have anything to add" General Hammond asked. Looking up I shook my head.

"No sir, I think the kids covered everything" I told him sitting my pen down so I gave the impression I'd been listening, looking at Hammond's expression I'd say I'd failed miserably.

"Alright people go home get some rest. Dismissed"

"Danny. Do you want to stay at my place? It'd be more comfortable than staying on base" why did you ask him that O'Neill, you were trying to avoid him, remember. I silently told myself.

Sighing, I admitted the truth to myself even if I could no longer have my lover. I'd do anything just to have him near me, even if he no longer remembers who I am.

"Sure, something there may jog a memory" He said hopefully.

"Yeah, c'mon lets get out of here" I said placing my hand at the small of his back and motioning him forward.

For some reason I was nervous as hell. I was taking my lover home for the first time in over a year and he had no idea who I was. All I felt like doing was yelling out that we were together, that I was his lover and we'd been together for about four years. Inside I felt as if I was dying and I couldn't even tell him the truth because the Doc had said he had to remember by himself.

Getting into the truck Jack looked over at his lover, or was that ex-lover now? No definitely lover; there was no way that Jack was going to sit by and watch the man he loved slip away from him, not when he could do something about it.

Placing my truck into reverse I backed out of the parking space, exiting the mountain parking lot as quickly as possible wanting to get home.

The drive down the mountain was filled with silence that I desperately tried to break with small talk about the weather, and other inconsequential things, the only thing I think it did was make the already uncomfortable atmosphere of the truck even worse.

This used to be so easy I thought, glancing at Danny through the corner of my eye, I used to be able to talk to you for hours on end about everything. Now I can barely utter one word, let alone one sentence. I love you Danny, I always will for as long as I live. I just hope that you will be able to return my feelings like you once did I thought to myself.

As we entered the main township of Colorado Springs I realized my refrigerator was absolutely bare. "Danny, we'll have to stop at the store to grab some groceries, I'm totally out of food," I told him as I turned into the supermarket parking lot.

"Ah sure, I think I'll just stay in the car though. I'm fairly tired," He said turning to look at me as I parked the truck in an empty lot.

"Ok I'll be about five," I told him, cutting the engine and quickly heading toward the store.

*****

After the detour to the shop for some food the remainder of the trip was fairly smooth. Opening the front door I set the food down on the kitchen table, turning on the lights as I went.

"Wow, I like your place Jack. I actually think some of this is familiar," Daniel said running his hand along the mantle of the fireplace, looking at the medals displayed there. Reaching over he picked up a small statue I'd placed there not long after he'd 'Died'. It was a small statue about thirty centimeters tall depicting some ancient god or another. Daniel had it displayed in his apartment and after he'd gone I'd put it on display here as a sort of reminder of who he was, who he had been. Reaching over his shoulder I took the statue from him, putting it back where he'd gotten it from "It was yours" I said simply "I brought it back here after you..." I started to say, my throat constricting tightly at what I'd been about to say. Funny that, I can think that he had died but as soon as I try and utter that small four letter word my throat constricts as if what I was about to say is some dirty word that should never pass my lips. Maybe it was just my way of coping with his loss.

"...Died" Daniel whispers, so soft that I had to strain to hear him. If it weren't for the fact that I'd been standing so close behind him when he said it, I don't think I would have heard him. Turning around Daniel looks at me questioningly, as if to ask why me, a big tough air force colonel, would keep his things even after we'd thought him dead, and I can't help but let my feelings for him show through my expression.

"Yeah" I murmur just as softly. Looking into his sparkling blue eyes all I want to do is lean forward and close the distance between us, kissing him for all he's worth. But I can't, because even if I love him he doesn't remember and it's killing me.

"Jack?" He asked turning toward me "I feel as if we were more than just friends" He asked me hesitantly searching my eyes for the answer.

"Danny?"

"Jack, were we together romantically? Like a couple?"

Bowing my head slightly I take a deep breath. I can't lie to him, not like this and not when I may get him back. Looking back up at him I see the pleading and questioning in his eyes "Yes we were" I answer simply.

Turning away from him, preparing to leave, I'm startled when he suddenly grabs my arm, spinning me around to face him. Looking deeply into my eyes I'm stunned, my breath literally knocked from me as he forcefully presses his mouth to mine in a demanding, passionate, and consuming kiss.

Pulling back forcefully, panting for breath, I can't help wondering if I might get my lover back.

"Danny?" I ask questioningly. The only answer I get in reply is another kiss, this one slower, more tender. Speaking of the love and feelings we have for each other.

Finally I can no longer hold back the desire I've felt ever since coming back from the planet we found Daniel on. Its like the slow burn of arousal I've felt since I first saw him has suddenly been ignited into an all-consuming burn.

Turning both of us, I start walking us toward the couch. I'm in no mood to take this all the way to the bedroom. It's just too far in my opinion.

Reaching my goal I push slightly at Danny's shoulder till he's laying flat on the couch, my body blanketing his, our lips never leaving each other. Pulling back, I stare into his eyes seeing the love, lust and desire he holds for me. Gasping for breath I move forward again capturing his lips in another bruising kiss while we start gently grinding together, seeking that much sought after friction.

Reaching down with one hand I start to undo the buttons on his shirt, trying to reach the warm skin beneath. Pulling back I work on getting Daniel naked as quickly as possible, it doesn't take long with full focus to get us both naked.

Smiling broadly at Daniel's debauched look I start kissing and nibbling at his jaw, moving lower and lower with each kiss, licking a trail to his cock causing Daniel to moan loudly at the stimulation.

"God... Jack more please" Daniel gasped out as I started licking at the juncture of his hips and thighs.

Smiling at the effect I was having on my lover, I engulfed his cock in my mouth, taking as much of his length as I could. Moving up and down I licked at his length like a giant lollypop.

Within minutes I had Daniel writhing with pleasure underneath me. "Jack... God don't stop. Want more," He gasped out between the spasms of his body.

Grinning like an idiot I placed one finger in my mouth, slicking the digit up as much as possible. Before taking his cock into my mouth as I placed my finger at his entrance pushing slowly until the slicked finger pushed past the muscle into his tight hole.

Groaning loudly at the double stimulation, I had Daniel begging for more. "God Fuck me already Jack" he said pulling me up for a long lingering kiss that left me weak at the knees.

"Alright love, I just need to grab some lube," I told my lover. Getting up quickly I raced upstairs to my bedroom pulling it out of my bedside drawer. Seeing that it was still in date I quickly went back to my lover pouring out a generous amount, applying it liberally to my fingers as I reached back again breaching him easier this time.

It didn't take long before I had two, then three fingers working him, in and out, making him moan loudly. Having fully stretched him, I slicked myself up, adding more lube to his ass so I wouldn't hurt him. Looking into his eyes I silently asked him for permission to continue. Once he'd given me the permission I needed, I hooked his knees over my shoulders, lining my prick up with his hot channel and entering him slowly, bit by bit. "God Danny" I gasped out at the sudden heat surrounding my cock, sweat covering our bodies as we made love. "You're so good. So hot" I moaned loudly as my balls came to rest against his ass.

Seeing he'd adjusted to my size filling him, I started moving. Thrusting gently at first then picking up speed as we found a rhythm. Within minutes we were both sweating and moaning continuously, increasing the pace as we worked toward completion.

Reaching forward I pulled Danny into a long lingering kiss that made my toes curl. As we kissed, I reached down taking hold of Danny's hard cock, jerking him in time with my thrusts, before long Danny stiffened, screaming my name as he came, shooting his load all over his stomach and chest.

As his ass muscles clamped down on me I lunged forward once more before I stilled spilling my seed within my lover, falling in an exhausted heap on top of him. Not wanting to move but realizing I had to, I pulled out of Daniel's body, rolling to one side I lay resting my head on my now sleeping lover's shoulder.

I knew we still had a long way to go before we got back what we'd had before he'd died, but at least now I knew we were at least on the same page. Both of us wanting the same thing and I had to admit even if it was only to myself, that Daniel may never get all of his old memories back and if that happened, I'd just have to go about building a new life with Daniel.

I'll be happy with whatever he's willing to give me, but knowing he's there by my side, helping me face whatever life throws my way, I know I'll be fine no matter what happens.

I love Daniel and in the end that's all that matters.

By coming back alive he helped mend what was left of my shattered soul and for that I'll love him until the day I die.

~Finis~


End file.
